Fat Camp

     I just started watching the show Huge that's about a "fat camp".  I really like the show, it's kind of hokey but I like all the characters.  Willamina, a loud & proud tom-boy character, wrote a mock letter to her parents, and it really effected me:

I can't forget that you sent me here.  That I'm not good enough for you.  You tell me all the time when you comment on how my shirts don't fit, or exchange little looks when I reach for dessert.   I try not to care, but it hurts.  It Hurts!

My parents never sent me to fat camp, but that excerpt really got to me.  It's like Will's parents live in my head.  I'm so hard on myself, and it doesn't help me in anyway.  When I was living at home with my parents and siblings my brother used to pick on me.  I forgive him now, he was a chubby kid growing up and he only had the best intentions.  Looking back I hold little resentment for my brother, but it's still hard to accept that my parents didn't stand up for me when he would say "pass the rolls" in my direction.    
     Growing up I was a pretty oblivious kid.  I could care less about boys, and had no idea others in my elementary school were dating.  I'd say to this day I am pretty care free, and honestly still love doing the same things I did at ten years old.  Weight, clothes and make-up weren't even in my periphery.  My brother's comments were an eye opener, and my parents silence was confirmation.  From that time on, I saw myself as fat.
     These days it's a toss-up.  Some days I see all the beauty in myself and am on top of the world.  Other days I feel fat and lazy, and I just want to eat more and do less.  It'd be nice if I didn't always think about how I'm going to 'get healthy' or 'lose weight'.  I already am pretty healthy, and I don't have all that much weight to lose. 

I had been planning on only doing updates on Thursdays, but this just happened :)  I try not to fight inspiration.

***Added to The Bucket List:  Learn how to make Batik